The Bribery Game

Isn’t it funny how you have such firm ideas about parenting… until you actually have kids?

I feel decidedly sheepish now, admitting my previous stance on the issue of child bribery. I used to tut when bags of chocolate buttons were whipped out by frazzled parents to calm a tantrumming toddler.

If you disciplined them properly from the outset, you wouldn’t need to resort to bribes, I used to think.
Now, before you all start yelling at me, let me assure you – I feel very differently now!!

There comes a point in every parent’s life when their cute, smiley, easy-going infant, transforms into a bloody-minded, belligerent, boundary-pushing toddler (see the proof – R)

That’s when ‘expert negotiator’ gets added to the long list of roles that already include cook, cleaner, entertainer, nanny, chauffeur, and general dogsbody.

From the moment my two-year-old wakes up, my day is a series of complex negotiations.

‘Can I change your nappy please?’
‘Nooooooooo.’ Runs around the other side of the bed, knowing I’m eight months preggers, and can’t squeeze round there to get her.
‘Do you want to watch Roary the Racing Car?
‘Yeeeeeeessssssss!’
‘Then come here and let me change your nappy.’
Runs back around, and lies down without another word. 

‘Time to get back in your pushchair.’
‘Aaaaaarrrrrgh!!!!!’ (screaming, kicking, wailing, refusing to bend in the middle)
‘Do you want a fruit stick/biscuit/juice/box of chocolate raisins?’
Body goes still as she studies the proffered treat, then nods.
‘Then get in the pushchair.’
Clambers in without further protest.

‘Come here please.’
Runs off in the other direction, laughing.
‘I’m serious, come here now,’ in my best authoritative Supernanny voice.
‘La, la, la! Bye bye! Bye bye!’
‘Do you want Agent Oso?’ (authoritative voice now replaced by slightly pleading whine).
Comes to a skidding stop. 
‘Oooo-Soooo! Yeah, yeah, yeah!’
Runs back over and holds my hand, like an angel.

Is she playing me like a fiddle? Absolutely! Do I care anymore? Not a jot!