 |
| Poppa & the grandkids |
Christmas is a magical, happy time – especially now I’m a Mum. But, for me, it’s always slightly poignant too. Because, while I’ve lived in the UK for nearly 10 years, the majority of my family remain half a world away in New Zealand.
I left the Land of the Long White Cloud 13 years ago, pausing in Sydney for three years, before washing up on the UK’s shores in 2001.
I only planned on spending two years here before returning to Australia, but something unexpected happened – I totally fell in love with good old Blighty, and didn’t want to leave. Luckily my UK ancestry (my Scottish grandad) allowed me to stay.
The rest is history – I met my Devon boy, dragged him up to London, bought a flat, made two little Monkeys, and moved to the country. (Well, technically it’s a hamlet in Buckinghamshire, but I can see trees and hills from the windows, rather than police cars, and drunk people stumbling home – so near enough!)
Now we’re about to spend Christmas in our first proper grown-up house. We even have a spare room, so visitors no longer have to sleep on a blow-up mattress on our lounge floor. How posh is that?
But I can’t help feeling a little sad that my family aren’t here to see us celebrate all these milestones.
My Mum hasn’t seen Lucia since she was a few weeks old, and hasn’t been able to meet Natalia yet. My Dad and Stepmum only met their granddaughters for the very first time a few weeks ago.
Lucia doesn’t have any Granddads over here in the UK, and was utterly enamoured with her Poppa. She followed him around like a shadow. ‘Poppa… Poppa… POPPA!’ she’d yell, if he dared turn his attention away for a millisecond.
I loved watching them together, but it was bittersweet too. Seeing my children with Dad and Jane, and how much they totally adored each other, reminded me of just what my children were missing out on.
It’s a really special relationship between grandparent and grandchildren. You don’t have any of the pressures and stresses of parenthood, so you’re free to just enjoy each other.
I was close to my grandparents – especially on my Mum’s side – and on school holidays we’d spend at least one week with Nana and Grandad. Every morning my sister and I would wake up, and clamber into their bed. We’d have ham sandwiches for lunch, washed down with chocolate milkshakes. We’d hunt for ripe strawberries in the garden, and help Granddad plant seeds in his greenhouse. Nana would chase us around the house until we screamed with excitement, then shush us when her ‘soapies’ came on.
But my daughters can’t have that relationship with their Kiwi grandparents, and that makes me sad. As fun and wonderful as Christmas is, it also reminds me just how far away I am from my family.
Was I selfish, having my kids on the other side of the globe, and denying them a proper relationship with my parents? Probably. I know I’d be devastated if my kids grew up and did the same to me.
But the UK is my home now, and family. Besides – if we moved Down Under, we’d only have the same dilemma with the UK relatives.
So we’ll have to make the very most of every rare visit, teach Mum how to use Skype, and put up with that annoying echo on long-distance phone calls.
For all of you out there who’ll be sharing Xmas Day with your kids and their grandparents, promise me you’ll appreciate it, won’t you?
 |
| The extended Monkey family |
We moved back to the NE of England so the boys could spend time with their Grandparents, but the inlaws never bother with them and they only live 12 miles away. They only see them if we take them over and even then we get the feeling that they would rather we didnt bother. I think that it is all about the quality rather than the quanitity
I don’t have the issue you’re having to such an extent that family are on the other side of the world, but my parents live 3 hours drive north from us and… they are getting on as far as age is concerned and my dad hasn’t exactly been good (smoking heavily most of his life) so I have a constant fear my son won’t see his Grandparents from my side as much as I’d like. Of course I am thankful to have my partner’s parents only 30 mins drive away from here which is always real handy. Just a shame can’t all be close together.