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I’m no Earth Mother – far from it – but I was always set on breastfeeding my children.
Luckily, I was able to do so, but only because I was fortunate enough to have a lactation specialist on the ward when Big Sis was born.
Seeing I was having difficulty, she swept over and took charge. ‘What you need to do is THIS,’ she announced firmly, cupping the back of Big Sis’s head and pushing her on to latch by forcing her mouth open like a python with a reticulated jaw.
It seemed a bit brutal, but it totally worked! From that moment the mechanics of breastfeeding were easy. But then I noticed something else – something the specialist hadn’t mentioned, in fact something I’d never heard of before – intense feelings of dread while breastfeeding.
You know that feeling when you suddenly realise you’ve forgotten something important? It would start just after Big Sis latched on, and would would literally turn my body cold. It was like the lights had suddenly been switched off in the room and anxiety would flood through me.
For about 30 seconds everything seemed so utterly pointless. Then, as quickly as it started, the cloud of doom would lift and everything would feel fine again.
As Big Sis grew older the feelings gradually subsided, and I totally forgot about them (although I then encountered some different breastfeeding problems) until Lil Sis was born and the same feelings returned. This time I was determined to figure out what was going on with me.
I turned to Dr Google, typing in: breastfeeding problems, anxiety, feelings of dread while breastfeeding. Finally, I found a single blog post where the blogger was describing the same symptoms as mine. She mentioned a condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, or D-MER, and linked to a page of a non-profit organisation, D-MER.org, that was raising awareness of what – until just two years earlier – had been a completely unrecognised and unnamed condition.
When the body releases milk in preparation for breastfeeding, our natural dopamine levels must drop to allow prolactin (the hormone that allows our body to make milk) levels to rise. For most women, the exchange in levels is smooth and perfectly balanced, and they don’t notice any change.
For others – like me – the levels become temporarily unbalanced. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that controls the brain’s reward and pleasure centres, so when the levels plunge, you’re left with feelings of dysphoria – anxiety, hopelessness and desolation.
Knowing I wasn’t alone in these feelings, and that there was a reason for them, was such a relief.
As with Big Sis, after the first few weeks of breastfeeding Lil Sis my D-MER began to recede, but I was left with a much better understanding of the physiological toll breastfeeding can take on your body, and ended up writing about the dysphoria I experienced while breastfeeding.
It’s so easy to overlook yourself when you have a newborn baby to care for, but your health and happiness is important than ever.
Drink plenty of water (especially if you’re breastfeeding – the thirst you get afterwards is insane) and try to eat as healthily as possible.
Of course, a perfect diet isn’t always realistic when you’re barely keeping on top of this hectic new life. If you’re feeling lacklustre, you might like to try post-natal supplements formulated to support new mums after the birth of their child. The blend of vitamins and minerals will help replenish the nutritional stores lost during pregnancy and labour, and help you keep up with the physical demands of breastfeeding.
It might take you hours to get out the front door and will often seem like more hassle than it’s worth, but getting outside and taking a bit of time out will help you calm down and clear your mind, and give you energy you need to get through the remainder of the day. That fresh air could help bubs sleep more soundly too, which is always a good thing!
Don’t feel guilty taking a little time for yourself – even if it’s just half an hour soaking in a hot bath, or an hour to shut the bedroom door and read some of that long-neglected book.
Healthy, happy mum means healthy, happy baby.
Have you ever experienced feelings of dread while breastfeeding?
• Read more about WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK
Really interesting, and vital post. I actually remember feeling incredibly low and worse so after breastfeeding with Oliver (I was suffering a traumatic birth at the time too) yet no medical professional explained the highs and lows of breastfeeding at the time, probably for fear I would stop. I wish I had had high strength vitamins then. I’m actually on them currently for PMT and they’ve made a world of difference. We need to support our bodies at times of need, but we require the right information in order to do so. Thanks for this. Will share x
Hello Jacqui and thank you so much for this (raising awareness for this problem). I had no idea this existed. I’ve suffered and still do suffer from low milk supply. Have you experienced low milk supply? If so, how did you tackle it? By the way you look amazing in the picture 🙂