HOW MANY IS TOO MANY? (super-sized families)

Last week infamous American mum Michelle Duggar announced she was pregnant with her 20th child.

Jawdropping, most definitely, but is it responsible?

I’m just not sure how I feel about ‘super-sized’ families. I totally understand why the Duggars made their initial decision not to take contraception: after her first child Michelle fell pregnant while on the pill, and sadly miscarried. They blamed the loss on their use of contraception, and made a pact to leave the size of their family in the hands of nature.

Fair enough, but there are ways to avoid or lessen your chance of getting pregnant!

I admire the fact they’ve worked hard to be financially independent, and don’t rely on the state to subsidise their family. And I’m totally in awe with the precise way they run their home. I could do with a tiny fraction of that organisation in my own house. 

My point is this: There are only 24 hours in a day, and (if we’re lucky) we spend eight or nine of them sleeping. Let’s knock a few more hours off for household chores, eating, showering, etc. So, let’s say you’ve got 10 hours left, divided by soon-to-be 20 children.

Split equally, that means each child gets a total of just 30 minutes of exclusive Mum-time each day. Obviously newborns and very young children demand a lot more attention, so I think it’s fair to assume it’s even less for the older kids.

I’ve watched documentaries on the Duggar family, and the younger kids are buddied up with their older siblings to help them with chores and daily duties. Which is a brilliant idea – at a school, or a kid’s summer camp. But is it right that a parent keeps having more and more children, only to farm all the parenting duties out??

It’s all very well having all these children, but what’s the point if you can’t spend any real time with them?!? Maybe I’m missing something here, but I just don’t get it.

One of the reasons I grudgingly shelved my wish for three children was because I worried I wouldn’t have enough time to devote to them all, and be the mother I wanted to be.

I have two pre-school children, and work pretty much full-time hours, as well as caring for them both at home. And I constantly feel guilty that I’m not spending enough quality time with them both, or able to give them more individual attention.

Before you jump down my throat, I’m not saying that all Mums with more than two children are spreading themselves too thin. I’m saying that, with my personal situation, work commitments, and no family in the UK to help out, my time is diluted enough.

I fully admit I feel a bit envious of people with three, four, five kids – Christmas Day must be AMAZING and I imagine all these fun, boisterous Sunday lunches, like a scene straight out of Brother and Sisters. If our financial and family situation was different (and I was younger!) I’d definitely want more children. But 20?? 

There are going to be times in your life when, no matter how close you are to your brothers and sisters, no one but Mum will do. How is she possibly going to be there for all of them? Important dates are bound to clash, and she can only be in one place at a time.

I have no doubt that the Duggar children are happy and healthy, and love each other dearly, but I just wonder if it’s fair to have to share Mum with so many other people.

After all, there might be 20 of them, but they’ll only ever have one Mummy.